The evolution of my vocabulary and how I speak about my infinite self…
For many years I have used the term "Higher Self" when speaking about my soul, my greater being, the part of me that walks with spirit. It wasn't until my last journey into the underworld that this began to shift for me. When I returned around 2022, how I felt about my spiritual journey and life felt so flat and unalive. The words I knew no longer fit– I needed new words –To accurately express what I was now feeling and connecting to. The term “Higher Self” began to feel… Disembodied, disconnected for me. It felt like it was an aspect that lived outside of me… higher, more ascended, evolved - better than me. It felt like a patriarchal program. A "god program" designed to lead me away from my innate truth and authenticity, away from a deep trust and connection with my own innate divinity that lived in my body. My dear friend Hazel re-introduced me to her teacher/mentor George Kavassalis who coined the term Heart Soul Essence. I was familiar with this term as I had read George's book and had a session with him in 2013. But before my underworld journey, it always felt synonymous with “higher self.” Upon my return from my underworld journey, I felt dead inside…my spiritual life was so far away. After so much loss, the only thing I could do was survive. Hazel reached out and offered to sit with me, to hold space for me until I could find myself again. In February 2022 she suggested that I connect with heartsoul essence and see what she had to say. So I closed my eyes and went inside. I connected with my heartsoul essence who at the time in my mind was still known as my higher self. She appeared to me and said that she wanted to take me on a journey. I agreed and felt my energy gathered up into her as we dove down… back to the day of my birth. We were standing next to each other looking down at a baby in a bassinet in a hospital. Cold, crying, alone…Confused and completely overwhelmed and dysregulated. That baby was me. My higher self/heartsoul essence suggested I pick her up and hold her to my bare chest, skin to skin, and allow my nervous system to regulate hers. I remember thinking that I wasn't much more regulated than that crying infant so I wasn't sure how this was going to help. She assured me she was there to assist. So I reached down and picked up my newborn self and held her to my chest. My higher self/heartsoul essence merged with us and at that moment I felt…It's hard to explain but it was like a snapping back…a re-integration of all of the parts of myself that I had cast aside, dissociated from…Abandoned. I felt my nervous system and my energy re-align along my midline. I felt and saw this brilliant golden-white shaft of energy down the center of my body and all of my dysregulation melted into that. I became very still. When I returned from this journey there was a palpable difference in my sense of who I was and my sense of my soul, of my spirit. In that moment, the term higher self no longer worked for me because it felt disembodied. The part of me that I met that day was anything but disembodied. She was my heart. She was my soul. She was the essence of who I am. My transition from higher self to heartsoul essence symbolized my transition from understanding myself as being from my mind, to being in my body…From being up and out, to being down and in. It was a profound transformation and the only one that I can move forward with because up and out doesn't work. Up and out is not the point. Our journey here is about embodiment, it's about embodying our light and our greater being. About embodying our soul. Integrating our soul light and our soul essence into these bodies. That is the experience we are here to have. We're not here to transcend the human experience… to somehow get out of the humanness and the physicality. We are here to descend deeply into it. To reconnect our vital essence with our human body, to the Earth. I am thankful for Hazel for holding such beautiful space for me and to George for his powerful work that provided a framework and the words that I needed to find my way back to myself, and my own work that I came here to facilitate.
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This is one of the primary goals of rebuilding our relationship with HeartSoul Essence. To reclaim our Body as a Safe Haven.
For those of us who have experienced trauma, the body as a safe haven can be a foreign concept. The body is where the memory of the trauma lives so we seek refuge outside of the body. Disassociation is a powerful self-care tool. It allows us to carry on, to live life, and to feel safe as we heal. What is the mechanism of dissociation? In biodynamic craniosacral (as well as from my own process), I see this as an encapsulation. This happens when our innate wisdom (our HeartSoul Essence) will encapsulate the memory of the trauma including the part of us who holds the trauma, in our etheric (the energy field that surrounds us). This encapsulation is anchored to the body but no longer in the body, technically…it is disassociated from us so that we are not overwhelmed or retraumatized by the memory. There is a lot of judgment around disassociation in the healing realms…some believe that you need to be in your body to heal, literally using their energy to force that. This is not helpful. In fact, it can be very harmful. Do we want people to be present and grounded in their bodies? Of course. Is that necessary to work with their trauma or their symptoms? No, it is not. It is a process that unfolds over time as we rebuild trust and safety within ourselves. Disassociation manifests differently. I have been disassociated and completely present in my life and job(albeit a tad reactive). I have also been disassociated and completely checked out, spaced out, and living on auto-pilot…the latter can be a dangerous way to live, it definitely makes us vulnerable. Encapsulation requires energy to maintain. Just like if you are putting food in a freezer, it will stay frozen unless the freezer is plugged in. These encapsulated memories are plugged into us, into our bodies utilizing our energy. We could use that energy, right? The good news is that the wisdom that created this encapsulation is also the wisdom that can heal it. Rebuilding our relationship with HeartSoul Essence is the first step. HeartSoul Essence holds the wisdom, the divine spark that is the key to creating the safety to begin the process of reintegration. Our ability to feel, hear, and tap into that innate wisdom builds trust in the self, in our belief in our ability to hold all of ourselves again. With HeartSoul Essence, we journey to spaces of safety that we create. This is where the process begins. First, with HeartSoul Essence, we reestablish trust within the self, building our toolbox of safety. This can look like grounding, learning to hear and trust our inner voice, and allowing HeartSoul Essence to show us our strength, our creativity… Then we invite parts of ourselves to join us within this safe container. This is where we can touch into the encapsulation, slowly and in safety. This process will unfold for people in different ways. I always trust their innate wisdom to know what is best. It can take time to go from step 1 to step 2 and often times we “kayak” between the two. It is a mindful dance between feeling and reestablising safety until they are able to be present without flooding or reactivation. In Grow and Glow, our focus is on Step 1. Establishing safe spaces within us to process, feel, and reconnect with our innate wisdom (HeartSoul Essence). Learning how the body feels and senses. This is the foundation of this work. Realignment with HeartSoul Essence. Establishing safety. Rebuilding innate trust. This foundation allows for a blossoming of spirit within us. A spark that reignites our connection to life and paves the way for the reMembering…calling back our parts to the safe haven we created within us for them. Grow & Glow - Our Path of Authenticity!
This course is a culmination of 30 years of learning, healing, and aligning to my highest purpose. This course is for empaths, highly sensitive people, and anyone who has ever asked the question "what is the point of all of this?" or felt a deep longing in their soul for something more meaningful or felt instinctively that they are more than society deems them to be. This is for the feelers, the lovers, the joy and light bringers, the dimension walkers, timeline shifters, and the fae-touched, magick makers... it for those who feel their origins in the stars and know in every cell of their being that they are here for a reason. If you feel yourself here but your mind is telling you that it's not real, not possible...then this is definitely the class for you. I believe in your Light I believe in your Heart I believe in your Purpose I believe in YOU. What has your soul been calling out for? What message is getting obscured by the static of life? Sometimes, all we need is for someone to show us how to turn the radio dial to tune into our unique station so our frequency can align, the static fades away, and we can see and feel and hear with clarity our HeartSoul Essence–the aspect of us who walks with Spirit, our higher self, the one who holds the blueprint for our intention on this earth. We are the ones we have been waiting for. Who is ready to embrace their path and walk their own unique truth? Our journey begins May 6. Early Bird registration until April 15. What is Authenticity?
I’ve been asking myself this question quite a bit lately. Everytime I write the sub title for Grow and Glow, I question it because it pings a part in me, a part that reflexively recoils because it feels unseen, unheard, and disrespected. When I sit with this part of myself, with her hurt and her defensiveness, I feel how she feels judged by my choice of words. “Who are you to tell me I am not authentic?” And she’s right. Who am I to tell her that who she is/was in her life was inauthentic in any way? It feels shaming, as if I am telling her she is living her life incorrectly and only I know the right way. Authenticity is defined as being true to one’s own personality, spirit, or character. What she is showing me is that at every stage of our lives, we are authentic because our soul path, our heartsoul essence is always guiding our path. Who I was growing up is not who I am now and judging any part of myself against my present state of being and knowing is violent and shaming. And she is absolutely correct. So perhaps the sub-title needs to change from Your Path to Authenticity (which suggests that our authenticity is a destination that we achieve) to Our Path OF Authenticity because we are all shining the clearest most present part of ourselves that is available to us in every moment. Every moment is authentic. Every part of us is authentic. Our Path OF Authenticity illuminates and polishes our unique unfolding, our individual Light and Expression and shows us how we can continue to walk this path with more kindness and care for ourSelves and the world. For me, this encourages more joy, more connection, more confidence, and ultimately more love. May we all continue to grow into our great big shining souls in the kindest possible ways. From Overwhelm to Empowerment! This Free class is essential for my Empaths and Highly-Sensitives who have yet to experience their strength and joy while embodied. Join me and allow me to reintroduce you to your HeartSoul Essence.
People often ask me what a HeartSoul Session entails? Each session is unique, based on your individual needs and desires but I can tell you what I hold for you.
-Restore your relationship with your HeartSoul Essence -Recovery of your personal sovereignty -Creation of a deep and effective tool box for processing your emotions -Meditation skills that you can recreate on your own -Remembrance of your intuition and trust in what you hear and know instinctively -Restored confidence in yourSelf and in life -Greater resiliency -Deep trust and empathy for yourSelf -Reconnection with the earth and how to ground into her for restoration and support -Deep and compassionate embodiment | learning to love your body the way HeartSoul Essence loves your body If this resonates with your heart I would be honored to walk this path with you. Please DM with any questions or if you are ready to invest in yourSelf The evolution of my vocabulary and how I speak about my infinite self…
For many years I have used the term "Higher Self" when speaking about my soul, my greater being, the part of me that walks with spirit. It wasn't until my last journey into the underworld that this began to shift for me. When I returned around 2022, how I felt about my spiritual journey and life felt so flat and unalive. The words I knew no longer fit– I needed new words –To accurately express what I was now feeling and connecting to. The term “Higher Self” began to feel… Disembodied, disconnected for me. It felt like it was an aspect that lived outside of me… higher, more ascended, evolved - better than me. It felt like a patriarchal program. A "god program" designed to lead me away from my innate truth and authenticity, away from a deep trust and connection with my own innate divinity that lived in my body. My dear friend Hazel re-introduced me to her teacher/mentor George Kavassalis who coined the term Heart Soul Essence. I was familiar with this term as I had read George's book and had a session with him in 2013. But before my underworld journey, it always felt synonymous with “higher self.” Upon my return from my underworld journey, I felt dead inside…my spiritual life was so far away. After so much loss, the only thing I could do was survive. Hazel reached out and offered to sit with me, to hold space for me until I could find myself again. In February 2022 she suggested that I connect with heartsoul essence and see what she had to say. So I closed my eyes and went inside. I connected with my heartsoul essence who at the time in my mind was still known as my higher self. She appeared to me and said that she wanted to take me on a journey. I agreed and felt my energy gathered up into her as we dove down… back to the day of my birth. We were standing next to each other looking down at a baby in a bassinet in a hospital. Cold, crying, alone…Confused and completely overwhelmed and dysregulated. That baby was me. My higher self/heartsoul essence suggested I pick her up and hold her to my bare chest, skin to skin, and allow my nervous system to regulate hers. I remember thinking that I wasn't much more regulated than that crying infant so I wasn't sure how this was going to help. She assured me she was there to assist. So I reached down and picked up my newborn self and held her to my chest. My higher self/heartsoul essence merged with us and at that moment I felt…It's hard to explain but it was like a snapping back…a re-integration of all of the parts of myself that I had cast aside, dissociated from…Abandoned. I felt my nervous system and my energy re-align along my midline. I felt and saw this brilliant golden-white shaft of energy down the center of my body and all of my dysregulation melted into that. I became very still. When I returned from this journey there was a palpable difference in my sense of who I was and my sense of my soul, of my spirit. In that moment, the term higher self no longer worked for me because it felt disembodied. The part of me that I met that day was anything but disembodied. She was my heart. She was my soul. She was the essence of who I am. My transition from higher self to heartsoul essence symbolized my transition from understanding myself as being from my mind, to being in my body…From being up and out, to being down and in. It was a profound transformation and the only one that I can move forward with because up and out doesn't work. Up and out is not the point. Our journey here is about embodiment, it's about embodying our light and our greater being. About embodying our soul. Integrating our soul light and our soul essence into these bodies. That is the experience we are here to have. We're not here to transcend the human experience… to somehow get out of the humanness and the physicality. We are here to descend deeply into it. To reconnect our vital essence with our human body, to the Earth. I am thankful for Hazel for holding such beautiful space for me and to George for his powerful work that provided a framework and the words that I needed to find my way back to myself, and my own work that I came here to facilitate. Love is not enough…
That hit me right in the trauma. This was a headline on a Facebook post from a popular spiritual teacher. It was part of a slap-down on other teachers who teach primarily "Love & Light" work…Calling them out as "bypassers" and as harming people. Let's unpack this, shall we? The article states we also need honesty, clarity, responsibility, etc… Yes–all of that is true, but aren’t those things a part of love? Not an addition to it? I think as people we get sold on this idea of love…That love is fluffy and exciting and soft, but we are never shown the full spectrum. We are sold love – Lowercase but Captial L Love is quiet, behind the scenes… Working hard and building bridges. We see glimpses of it…Out of the corner of our eyes while we are distracted by the fear and rage show, when we witness an animal rescuer going out in a blizzard to feed and house a feral cat colony. When we glimpse a quiet kindness in the grocery store. You see, Capital L Love isn’t about grandstanding gestures, photo ops, or praise. Capital L Love lives in the foundation of our lives, building, restoring, and guiding. And many of us have been separated from that foundation in our formative years. The Capital L Love bricked over by Disney love, conditional love, ego love…So it's not that love isn't enough…It's that we have forgotten what it truly is. We have been manipulated and programmed and abused and traumatized out of our connection to it. But it is always there, pulsing under the surface of our lives, waiting for the excavation team to uncover it and give it oxygen to breathe. Because without Love what is even the point? Love is not enough…Is saying, we have been so collectively traumatized by life that we don't trust it anymore. We don't believe…Like the tooth fairy or Santa Claus, we have been let down so many times by things, and people claiming love as their motivation we stopped believing. We stopped caring. We stopped trusting. We stopped trying. I mean, what's the point? I get it. I feel it. Capital L Love is not our ticket up and out. It requires us to drop in, fully in… Into our body, into our life…Into the earth. But… Wait…That's where all of my hurt, trauma, and wounding is?! Why do I want to do that? I don't want to feel that! Right…So love is not enough. I get it. Capital L Love requires us to be present to our suffering and the suffering of the world. Capital L Love requires us to be able to hold a big enough container to be able to see and feel the wounds of those we "hate" and have empathy while we communicate the need for change. Capital L Love sets the tone for our actions and words and creates the possibility of change, growth, and healing. Someone has to hold the template, the energy of capital L Love so the collective can remember their own foundation. Someone has to lead the way in their own frailty and vulnerability because none of us will ever get it 100% right all the time. Perfection is not the point, and our imperfection doesn't negate the process. Yes, to repeat…none of us is perfect in our expression of Capital L Love. But this does not negate its worth or existence or the deeply intense value of the path. It's deep work. It's valuable work. It's foundational work and without it, everything else we do will not impact the world the way we want it to. Our anger without capital L Love will not change minds. Our activism without capital L Love will not change policy or stop wars. Our teachings without capital L Love can gaslight our students and potentially re-traumatize them. So let's get clear. This is not Love’s failing. It is our trauma and wounding screaming to be heard and held. Capital L Love requires us to hold it all. Does this mean I have to love my abuser or the atrocities happening in the world??! No. It does not. But, in order for anything to change and heal capital L Love has to be leading the way. It has to be the foundation of our words, our work, and of our life. Otherwise, it will all crumble… Again. It's time to start excavating… Removing the bricks of programming and lies and trauma and fear that have entombed our foundation of Capital L Love. We must restore it, reset it, renew it, and nourish it. Love is not enough? Love is who we are…And that is more than enough. |
AuthorMaria is a spiritual writer and a self-love warrior with a deep and diverse background in both the culinary and healing arts. As a teacher, integrative healer, business owner, craft herbalist and cosmic gardener it has been her path throughout her many lifetimes to guide others (by sharing her process) to find strength and direction, gently planting seeds of heart centered, connected awareness. She is most passionate about guiding people to connect with their inner voice, a midwife to the joyful birth of inherent authentic creativity that lives within us all. When she is not busy writing, taking care of the farm or unschooling her feral daughter, she can often be found playing in the woods, communing with the flora and fauna and dancing with the faeries. Archives
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