Conversations with Infinite Heart

I woke up to my parts screaming. So much shame and doubt telling me that I’m reaching, delusional. That getting my master’s is just attention seeking, and that it won’t work, that I’ll get it, and just be more in debt.

What if wanting this degree is just another one of my attempts at healing myself?

Infinite Heart Responds:

–Why can’t it be both? Yes, it may be that you want to be a therapist because you need a therapist… That is true for many in the field… if that is true for you right now, that does not mean that it is not the correct path as long as you continue to do your work, and you will. It’s not a bypass or diversion. It is you seeking resonance, completion, and meaning. You want <need> to understand how your mind works and how the trauma patterns are encoded to help yourself, but don’t lie and say you are doing this for selfish reasons - you are not a selfish person. Even befo

re the option of being selfish was taken from you by your family, that is not who you are. You care. You have deep empathy, and it only got deeper with your life experience. Don’t belittle the ways you survived; they are powerful tools and can be shaped and molded to serve you in ways beyond survival. You have a unique perspective that so many people need. You are the bridge. You thought before that the bridge was to Faery, but love, it is so much bigger than that, so much bigger.

You will get your master’s. You will do research. You will write and traditionally publish an important book, and you will help so many. Your trauma brain will fight you the entire way, but you will learn to befriend it, work together with it, and you will teach others to do so as well. The world <especially the USA> is at the beginning of awakening from a trauma bond, and they need a strong, confident, and educated you to guide them. Stay the path, it will open to you. I know you want to burrow in with your animals in a blanket fort, and you can, just don’t stay there. The world needs your light, your heart, your experience, even if right now no one sees you. They will. This path will illuminate and light up what is truth for you. You will find and delve deeper into yourself and your purpose, and how you want to serve in this life. You’ve just scratched the surface of how you will be in service. It will clarify and become.

I feel like capitalism is dying, and I won’t get to see or experience what is created in its wake. But that’s OK because I want to leave this world a better place than how I experienced it. I want to leave fertile ground for the birthing of a gentle world. Even if I never stand in the world that is awakening, I’ll still keep whispering life into it in every way I can.

Final note from my brilliant cousin: You don’t need to justify anything. <3