An Apology

Hello Friends
First off, I’d like to apologize for my absence…at events, markets as well as though my newsletter.  It’s been a rough year so far filled with loss and change, nothing that I could have anticipated last summer when I got to spend so much quality time with the plants and making wild food and medicine for you.  

In November, I said goodbye to my dog Maddy Jo.  She had lived a long and full life but she was 15 and suffering and it was time.  It was sad but not unexpected.  What follows was completely unexpected…About 2 weeks after Maddy Jo transitioned, my beloved Rosie dog stopped eating.  We never really knew her age because she came to us off the streets…I just assumed that we had at least 3 to 4 more years with her.  That, unfortunately was not meant to be.  She contracted Lyme which attacked her kidneys and sent them into acute failure.  We spent the winter solstice with her, loving her and on Dec 22 we let her go.  I still cannot talk about it without crying.  She was my soul mate.  She taught me what it meant to love unconditionally.  I have never felt a loss more profoundly in my life.  In January, I got the call that my Dad had had a heart attack.  It was said to be a small one but as so often happens in a hospital setting…things cascaded and he passed on January 23. At the end of March, my mother who has Alzheimer’s fell and broke her hip.  I have been living here since, in my parent’s home, caretaking her. 

Nothing about this path is easy for any of us.  But we try every day to make the best of the situation we find ourselves in…hoping that we do not lose ourselves in the process.  Finding myself disconnected from everything I know, my land, my gardens, the wild areas I am bonded with, my community, has been challenging.  Not having an income to support my daughter and myself has made it even more difficult.  We both miss our life.  But we know this is a temporary situation as life continues to flow, it only feels like stasis.  I’d like to lead into a short discussion on the plants that have been my allies in this journey and what they have taught me…but if I’m being honest, my grief clouds me.  Sure, motherwort is always my closest ally but even she has had difficulty piercing the fog around my heart and finding my soul in the abyss. Breathing, spending time outside playing with my new puppy Luka, doing Yoga and practicing EFT have all served to keep me grounded.  For now, I just wanted to check in to let you know that I have not actually fallen off the planet, even though it certainly feels like it some days. 

I am here, my store is open even though inventory is low.  Filling orders is perhaps the most fulfilling activity right now, it feels good to be reminded of my purpose and to feel in service.  I will be back fully at some point and I hope to see you then.    I am working on a piece about Goldenrod for you, it should be ready next week.  

Be well.
Maria